The Side of Motherhood No One Talks about
When my husband and I decided to become parents in our mid-30s, it was a thoughtful, deliberate choice. We welcomed our son when I was 39 — joyful, nervous, and ready, or so we thought. Parenthood has been full of light: laughter, sweet moments, and love so strong it can be overwhelming. But beneath the joy, there’s also loneliness, exhaustion, and emotions so heavy that few parents talk about them.
I’ve noticed a quiet trend among parents — especially mothers — to hide the darker sides of their experience. Many feel ashamed to admit they struggle. Some fear judgment. Others believe their pain means they aren’t grateful. Over time, we’ve created an unrealistic image of motherhood: glowing moms, perfect babies, endless patience. Straying from that image feels taboo and it leaves many feeling isolated and ashamed when their reality doesn’t match the picture-perfect version we often see.
Our son is a highly sensitive boy, deeply in tune with his emotions. When he was an infant, his cries often lasted late into the night. My husband’s demanding job meant I was usually alone during those long hours. I tried everything, but nothing seemed to help. One night, exhausted and overwhelmed, I screamed at my baby out of sheer desperation. The guilt that followed cut deep.
Moments like this are more common than most people admit. Anger, frustration, and helplessness are not signs of being a bad parent. They’re signals — our body and brain’s way of expressing stress and unmet needs. Chronic sleep deprivation, social isolation, and unrealistic expectations can all make these emotions feel unmanageable.
Over time, I learned that stepping away for a brief moment when frustration builds is an act of care, not neglect. Taking breaks, sharing honestly with trusted people, and asking for support are essential in protecting both a parent’s and a child’s well-being. Parenthood is hard work, and no one is meant to do it entirely alone.
Now that my son is a toddler, joy and difficulty coexist in new ways. He’s curious and full of energy but also testing boundaries — sometimes with hitting or hair-pulling. Those moments still trigger anger and helplessness for me, and that’s something I continue to work through. I’ve learned to notice when shame creeps in, to remind myself that struggle doesn’t erase love. Both can coexist.
The truth is, motherhood is both love and loss: of space, of control, of the version of yourself you once knew. Motherhood is messy, joyful, painful and transformative. Talking about the hard parts doesn’t make us ungrateful — it makes us honest; it makes us brave. The more we share the whole story, the more we free others from the belief that “good mothers” don’t struggle. Talking about the hard parts isn’t complaining. It’s connection. It’s the beginning of healing.
A gentle reminder
If you’re a parent who feels overwhelmed, angry, or guilty, you are not alone. These emotions don’t define your love or worth — they reflect your humanity and the demands of parenting. It’s okay to ask for help. Whether it’s reaching out to a therapist, confiding in another parent, or simply giving yourself permission to rest, small acts of compassion toward yourself matter. Healing often begins with honesty — speaking the truth about how hard this can be, and knowing that being real is far more powerful than being perfect.
If this resonates with you and you’re seeking support as you navigate the challenges of motherhood, therapy can help you find steadier ground. In my work with mothers, I help clients process feelings of shame, overwhelm, and isolation while building tools for self-compassion and emotional balance. You don’t have to carry this alone — support is here, and change is possible.
References:
Ainsworth, A. B. (2025, June 13). How silence and shame impact maternal mental health. Psychology Today.
Goodwin, C. D. (2024, July 9). Highly sensitive children. Parenting Translator.
Kempel, A. (2025, May 2). Mom rage: Causes, ways to cope, and reasons for hope. Postpartum Support International.
Marsh, A. (2019). Effects of a postpartum sleep schedule on childless women’s physiology, performance, and mood (Doctoral dissertation, West Virginia University). West Virginia University Research Repository.
Ou, C., Ditchburn, G., & Hall, W. A. (2022). Seeing red: A grounded theory study of women’s anger after childbirth. Qualitative Health Research, 32(14), 2143–2157.
Porges, C., & colleagues. (2024). Exploring lived experiences of guilt and shame in the early postpartum period. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology. Advance online publication.
Sensitivity Research. (2025, September 9). Warm parenting helps emotion regulation in sensitive kids. SensitivityResearch.com.
Van der Walt, I. (2024, December 18). Research on how sensory sensitivity and parent relationships affect children’s emotional development. Mental Health Center Kids.
